I went to a funeral last week for a great man. Johnny Migliore was a Bothell pioneer who lived to be 97. Concetta, his wife of almost 70 years, was the social director of their life together.

They were active in many different circles: church, politics, Italian clubs, music, and they celebrated family as often as possible. John and Concetta, who has also entered her nineties, did so many things right, and were rewarded with a long and happy life together. But the last few years were very, very hard for John.

This made me think. Scientists say that many in my generation will easily live to be 100. Is that what I want?

For many years my mother oversaw the care of her mother and three aunts. They lived in three different nursing facilities. Mom visited every day. Once in a while she would tell me, “I’m NOT going to get old.” I would laugh at her saying, “ … as if you can do anything about it!” She was right. She died just before her 70th birthday from smoking-related asthma. Two of her aunts outlived her.

There is someone else who had some huge emotional trauma as a youth. In his adulthood he became an alcoholic who engaged in some very risky behavior. I asked him once if he was suicidal. He said, “Let’s just say that when I die it won’t be from a single event.”

I realized that he was saying that he wouldn’t take his own life, but it would not matter to him if he died. I am happy to say that he was forced to get help by someone with greater influence, and he is clean, sober, and even stopped smoking. He’s happy and proud of himself. It is now much less likely that he will die from self-inflicted carelessness.

I think it’s common to try to influence the timing of our death, consciously or not, by the risks we are willing to take. One of my classmates, who is not even 60, looks about 90, and is dying of sedentary boredom.

Some of us are unwilling or unable to address “weighty” issues. Some of us control our weight, but are at risk for “silent killers” like high cholesterol. Others forego screening tests like colonoscopies or mammograms. I also see bicyclists who are crazy-fit, but sometimes stray too close to traffic. Even watching daytime television carries a risk. Every day there is a new threat, and a new supplement to buy, and something you are doing wrong.

But longevity is a complicated equation with many unknown factors, heavily influenced by genetics and spiritual beliefs. After all, life itself is risky. I intend to enjoy it with a clean conscience, and on occasion, a nice Cabernet Sauvignon.

I don’t know when I’ll die, but I refuse to die from worry or shame.

Patty Luzzi has lived on the Eastside for 33 years. Readers can contact her at pattyluzzi@yahoo.com.