The story didn’t make the front page here in the Reporter last week – or any of the pages, for that matter. News of Bellevue police busting a crime ring, the latest developments on plans for the 520 bridge – and details on the near restoration of Coal Creek squeezed it out.
There simply was no room left in the paper for a story about giant earthworms.
So in case you missed it, researchers said last week that they’ve unearthed living specimens of the legendary giant Palouse earthworm – once believed extinct. The fabled gargantuan worms haven’t been seen much since the 1890s – except by frat guys at Wazzu who sometimes claim to see them after major parties.
Disappointingly, it turns out that the so-called “giant” worms only top out at around 10 inches – about the length of a Costco wiener, but not nearly so plump and tempting. What a letdown. Maybe that’s why the story didn’t make the cut here in the Reporter.
After all, we humans have a fascination for the really big and outsized.
When we’re driving down the highway, most of us turn at exits advertising things like “World’s Biggest Glazed Doughnut” or “World’s Biggest Footprint” or “World’s Biggest Chia Head.” The words “World’s Biggest” are all we need to see. If it’s big, we go.
When a large whale washes ashore, that’s news. But few crowds form when the same thing happens to a sardine.
When a bull elephant goes on a rampage, people pay attention. A stampeding slug? Even if it did happen, there’d be ample time to get out of the way.
Speaking of slugs, the largest of them – the so-called banana slug – can grow to nearly 10 inches long. That’s not so impressive. I’ve heard of worms that length.
I recently spoke with a woman in Factoria who disputes that the banana slug is the world’s largest. “The biggest slug I’ve ever seen,” she told me, “is the man I’m married to. The guy has promised to build us a new deck. That was eight years ago.”
She said he also holds the current status as “World’s Biggest Slob.” I hope he lives a long time so the title doesn’t fall to me.
There was also a story in last week’s news about a Wisconsin steed named “Big Jake,” recently named the “World’s Biggest Horse.” Jake stands nearly 7 feet. If the Lone Ranger’s horse had been so tall, Kemo Sabe would have had to bring a ladder with him.
Jake is 2,600 pounds – about the same weight as a Schwinn bicycle being ridden by a 2,580 pound man.
Jake’s owner says the horse is “a gentle giant.” Ever wonder why all giants these days are called “gentle?” Maybe it’s because so many previous giants have gotten bad reputations – thanks to hotheaded big creeps like Goliath and the Cyclops.
The belligerent lummox in “Jack and the Beanstalk” was particularly out of line. His “fee, fi, fo, fum” routine got old real fast.
Coincidentally, the world’s “Smallest Pinto Stallion” foal – weighing just six pounds – was born last week in New Hampshire. His owner calls him a “gentle runt.”
Pat Cashman can be reached at pat@patcashman.com.
