Submitted by the Bellevue Network On Aging

Extensive research led by Jake Harwood, Ph.D., professor of communication and former director of the graduate program in gerontology at the University of Arizona, determined many adult children have serious communication problems with their parents on the sensitive issue of aging. As a result, Dr. Harwood created “The 40-70 Rule.”

Here are seven tips to start the conversation.

1. Get started. If you’re at least 40 or your parents are at least 70, it’s time to start observing and gathering information “with an open mind.”

2. Talk it out. Discuss what you’ve observed and ask your parents what they think is going on.

3. Sooner is best. Talk sooner rather than later after a crisis has occurred.

4. Forget the baby talk. Remember you are talking to an adult, not a child. Put yourself in your parents’ shoes and think of how you would want to be addressed in the same situation.

5. Maximize independence. Try to move toward solutions that provide the maximum amount of autonomy for everyone involved.

6. Be aware of the whole situation. If your dad dies and soon afterward your mom’s house seems to be in disarray, it’s likely to stem from a lack of a social life and the loss of a lifelong relationship not any illness.

7. Ask for help. Many of the issues of aging can be solved by providing parents with the support they need to maintain their independence.

Information and resources are available at Senior Information and Assistance at 206-448-3110 or at the city of Bellevue Aging Services at 425-452-4200.