By Parenting Press

Got a socially struggling teenager? So does a member of the Parenting Press crew. When he asks a girl out, he too often hears, “Sorry, I have to wash my hair.” So we’re always on the lookout for suggestions, and recently we found some surprisingly helpful ones in a book intended for young women, You Lost Him at Hello: A Saleswoman’s Secrets to Closing the Deal with Any Guy You Want (Health Communications, Inc., 2008).

As author Jess McCann points out, successful salespeople are usually great talkers, but even more important, they are great listeners. The same holds true in social situations—of all kinds. McCann’s rule: let the other person talk 75 percent of the time. She advocates the KISS principle: “Keep It Short and Simple.” In other words, when you’re asked a question, make your reply short and simple, and then turn the conversation back to the other person.

McCann has an unappealing name for talking too much: “Verbal Vomit.” Some people talk too much because they’re naturally chatty. Others are afraid of an awkward silence. Others think that the only way to impress people with how great they are is to flat out tell them. But, she reminds, “What makes a person like you has less to do with what you say and more to do with how you make [that person] feel. People like to feel that they are being heard.”

She also makes a point that is important for all of us, especially those of us parents new to a neighborhood, school community, or other group: don’t discuss personal problems that you aren’t over. “When you complain about a bad situation at home, work, or anywhere else, you could end up giving [others] . . .Verbal Vomit with a twist of headache,” McCann writes.

Get more parenting tips at Parenting Press.