Sometimes it’s OK to say no | Ann Oxrieder

Published 4:39 pm Thursday, March 15, 2012

Last week I had three chances to say no and I didn’t take any of them.

The first one came from a women’s group at my church that is planning a conference for late September. What do they want from me?  Help in bringing in 100 to 150 attendees, compared to the usual 25. So much for choosing the easy volunteer jobs. I realized that the “we really need you, we can’t do this without you” ploy still works with me.

When the planning meeting ended, the president of the group told me she needed me for another project, publicizing a national — or was it international? convention — in 2016.  I looked around the group and wondered, for the first time in my life, why I or anyone else would commit today to doing something in 2016. There was no one there under 60.  I won’t even consider projects with deadlines of 2016 for my things-to-do list … yet.

The same day I got a call from a friend asking me to take part in a Saturday event. She said, “I know you’re working on your own things, but we really need you there.” The fact is, I’m a sucker for requests from friends. And it’s only a one-time event I tell myself, even though I know that my big priorities could suffer a slow, lingering “death from one-time events.”

The third request was to write a newsletter article.  I said yes before I read the editor’s request for 1,000 words and four photos.

Today a friend told me she’s taking to heart my recent blog about the regrets that people receiving palliative care express about things left undone in their lives. She’s saying no more often. “Retirement is a time when you pursue your own interests,” she advised, “not those of others.”

The funny thing is, she just sent me the response from the person she said no to: “What if you just wrote a short article?  If I write it, it won’t be as good.” I’m waiting to see how my friend handles this one.  At least it will be resolved before 2016.

Ann Oxrieder has lived in Bellevue for 35 years.  She retired after 25 years as an administrator in the Bellevue School District and now blogs about retirement at http://stillalife.wordpress.com/.